Jumping In!

I knew I would suck at this.  I haven't written since May.  I think about it.  I do.  Really!  But I worry too. I worry about starting in the middle of our story.  So much has happened to us. How can I do our story justice, but starting where we are at now?  But if I don't start writing, maybe I will regret it, so I am going to jump in.  Ready. Set. GO!

So today was injection lesson day.  We only have to do this once.  One. Week. From. Tomorrow!  Yup. This is real. My guy practiced on the fake butt check. He did great. He was asking lots of questions of the nurse; making sure he knew exactly what he needs to do. I'm not at all worried about this part, but he is. I feel bad. We have so much going on right now. This is just another source of stress for him. I think it will be good for us though too.  Part of the baby making process right?  May not be very sexy or passionate, but it is what we are stuck with.  Lupron day is 1 month from the day we leave for Prague.  We really are getting close.

One of the biggest things that have gotten me through the past two years, especially the last 15 months, has been all the support I have found.  I haven't been very silent, I share with the people I think I should share with and that has been really helpful.  I had an awesome opportunity today to pay it forward. Someone I know, who sadly didn't have a successful IVF experience, emailed me and asked if I would be willing to talk to someone she knows about my experience. She said this woman was having a similar experience (i.e., not having a period for months at a time).  My answer was - absolutely!  So I just finished an email to her.  I found I could write our story without tears.  I guess in helping others we do heal ourselves. Not knowing her story, I decided to just tell her ours and give her my top 3 tips.  So I will close with those.

1) Get to know your body. I highly recommend "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler.  I think this book should be a must read for every woman, even those who don't want to conceive - ever. My doctor didn't recommend charting.  She just recommended that we have a lot of sex and that I track when I get my period. Big mistake. I feel like we missed several precious months.  Read the book. Go to the website. CHART.

2)  Consider natural remedies. I tried Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) for several months. I found an acupuncturist who specializes in fertility and women's health. He is also a Chinese herbalist.  I travel quite some distance to see him each week, because I felt this combination was important.  I took herbs for 5 months and my hot flashes and night sweats disappeared (almost immediately). My doctor was so thrilled by this, that she is now referring patients to him who want a natural solution to menopause symptoms.  I still visit him for acupuncture. It really doesn't hurt and it really is a great stress reliever.  When we decided to use a donor, I went back on BC, so I stopped the herbs.  I think if we were younger (in other words had more time to TTC) I would have continued with the herbs longer. I still believe my body would eventually have responded, I would have ovulated, and conceived.

3)  Get support.  We joined Resolve New England.  Their website and newsletters contain a wealth of information. A lot of their information is available without a membership; but we went that next step and you should too.   Attend their seminars. Attend a local peer support group. The wealth of information you will get is worth more than you will spend on the membership.  The support you will get will be invaluable.  If you're not in New England, find your local Resolve!

Well, I jumped in. Hope to make this a regular thing.  Peace.

Baby Booties

Last week I received an invitation to a baby shower. I can't attend because it is out of state and the same day as a family event that I have been committed to for many months. The weird thing is the parents to be haven't even told me. We don't talk often, but we have been friends for many many years. I would attend if I could. So even though I learned about this soon to be newborn from someone else, I decided to make a handmade gift and found an adorable pattern for some booties and a hat. I will mail it since I can't be there and send a card. I keep wondering if they are "afraid" to tell me.  I know she is aware that we are TTC. I don't believe she is aware of the diagnosis, although it is possible a mutual friend may have told her. I keep contrasting this to the coworker who literally yelled in my face at the lunch table "I'm pregnant!"  I can't decide which is worse. I don't want my friends to tip toe around me, but I do appreciate those who are at least considerate. I guess insensitive   is worse, but yet not being told is still bothering me. I'm enjoying making the booties and can't wait to get to the hat. I will not make anything for our future baby at this time, but I am definitely wishing that time was here. I want to make booties and hats, sweaters and blankets, even toys! Of course when I am finally blessed with my own sweet baby I probably won't have time to knit.  People talk about the two week weight as being an eternity and I am sure it will be, but this six month wait is so hard too. We have our airline tickets and need to finalize the hotels. A week from now we'll be down to four months to go. In the meantime I will make booties for another.

Maybe I will blog

I am not a writer. Of course there have been many papers written for school over the years and I often have to write motions and letters as an attorney, but I am not a writer. Nor do I journal. I received a diary as a little girl, complete with lock and key.  I made lame attempts at writing in it. The gaps in entries spanned months, sometimes years. I never tried again as an adult.  After months of TTC and ultimately a diagnosis of Premature Ovarian Failure I accidentally fell into the world of blogging. It began as I searched for answers and information for my own situation. Several of those blogs have been suspended, but I read every one that I found had relevance to me, starting with the first post. I began to follow blogs and discovered the "reader" function in Google.  I new world was opening!

Over the next several months different people told me "You should blog!" I kept shaking my head and saying "No, not me! I'm not a writer."  The people who suggested this were not only close friends, but also new acquaintances. It continued and then in early May I received a request from the fabulous Keiko Zoll (of The Infertility Voice and RESOLVE New England).  She was one of the bloggers I had recently found and was following. I couldn't believe she had "friended" me on FB and was asking me (me!) to write an entry for RNE's blog.  I was in awe and I was humbled. I am not a writer. I am not a blogger. But she was asking me!  So I wrote and I edited and I agonized.  Finally I sent Keiko a draft. She tweaked it some more and before I knew it the post was live!  OMG! So maybe I will blog.