Baby Booties

Last week I received an invitation to a baby shower. I can't attend because it is out of state and the same day as a family event that I have been committed to for many months. The weird thing is the parents to be haven't even told me. We don't talk often, but we have been friends for many many years. I would attend if I could. So even though I learned about this soon to be newborn from someone else, I decided to make a handmade gift and found an adorable pattern for some booties and a hat. I will mail it since I can't be there and send a card. I keep wondering if they are "afraid" to tell me.  I know she is aware that we are TTC. I don't believe she is aware of the diagnosis, although it is possible a mutual friend may have told her. I keep contrasting this to the coworker who literally yelled in my face at the lunch table "I'm pregnant!"  I can't decide which is worse. I don't want my friends to tip toe around me, but I do appreciate those who are at least considerate. I guess insensitive   is worse, but yet not being told is still bothering me. I'm enjoying making the booties and can't wait to get to the hat. I will not make anything for our future baby at this time, but I am definitely wishing that time was here. I want to make booties and hats, sweaters and blankets, even toys! Of course when I am finally blessed with my own sweet baby I probably won't have time to knit.  People talk about the two week weight as being an eternity and I am sure it will be, but this six month wait is so hard too. We have our airline tickets and need to finalize the hotels. A week from now we'll be down to four months to go. In the meantime I will make booties for another.

Maybe I will blog

I am not a writer. Of course there have been many papers written for school over the years and I often have to write motions and letters as an attorney, but I am not a writer. Nor do I journal. I received a diary as a little girl, complete with lock and key.  I made lame attempts at writing in it. The gaps in entries spanned months, sometimes years. I never tried again as an adult.  After months of TTC and ultimately a diagnosis of Premature Ovarian Failure I accidentally fell into the world of blogging. It began as I searched for answers and information for my own situation. Several of those blogs have been suspended, but I read every one that I found had relevance to me, starting with the first post. I began to follow blogs and discovered the "reader" function in Google.  I new world was opening!

Over the next several months different people told me "You should blog!" I kept shaking my head and saying "No, not me! I'm not a writer."  The people who suggested this were not only close friends, but also new acquaintances. It continued and then in early May I received a request from the fabulous Keiko Zoll (of The Infertility Voice and RESOLVE New England).  She was one of the bloggers I had recently found and was following. I couldn't believe she had "friended" me on FB and was asking me (me!) to write an entry for RNE's blog.  I was in awe and I was humbled. I am not a writer. I am not a blogger. But she was asking me!  So I wrote and I edited and I agonized.  Finally I sent Keiko a draft. She tweaked it some more and before I knew it the post was live!  OMG! So maybe I will blog.